Murphy's Law for
Law Enforcement
1. Bullet proof vests aren't.
2. The bigger they are the harder they fall. They also punch,
kick, and choke harder.
3. The speed at which you respond to a fight call is
inversely proportional to how long you have been a cop.
4. Tear gas and pepper spray works on cops, too, and
regardless of the wind direction, will always blow back in your
face.
5. High speed chases will always proceed from an area of
light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.
6. If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed,
he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.
7. Placing a gun back into a shoulder holster with your
finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.
8. Flash hiders don't really.
9. If you have cleared all rooms and met no resistance, then
your entry team has probably kicked in the door of the wrong
house.
10. If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other
cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.
11. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of
few available weapons (living room), to an area with many
available weapons (kitchen).
12. If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for
spitting on you, you are about to become a star on Eyewitness
News.
13. Bullets work on veteran cops, too. They also work on
weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksman, vice
cops, SWAT jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal.
14. When a civilian sees a blue light approaching at a high
rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs
to use.
15. If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center, of
the Gobu Desert, within five minutes a civilian will pull along
side of you and ask for directions.
16. You can never drive slow enough for civilians who don't
need a cop and fast enough to please those that do.
17. Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than a cop with
a pistol.
18. From behind you, the bad guy cal see you night sights as
well as you.
19. On any call, there will always be more bad guys than
there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more
bad guys there will be.
20. The longer you have been a cop, the shorter your
flashlight and temper get.
21. Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance
it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
22. You should never do a shotgun search of a warehouse with
a cop whose nickname is "Boomer".
23. The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be
shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed
on your day off.
24. If a large group of drunk bikers are "holed-up" in a
house, the department will send one officer in a beat car. If
there is one biker "holed-up" in a house, they will send the
entire SWAT Team.
25. In the chest of every cynic beats the broken heart of a
romantic.
