BILL OF NO RIGHTS
The following was written by State
Representative Mitchell Kaye from Georgia.
"We, the sensible people of the United States,
in an attempt to help everyone get along,
restore some semblance of justice, avoid any
more riots, keep our nation safe, promote
positive behavior, and secure the blessings of
debt free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common
sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt
ridden, delusional, and other liberal, bed-wetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a
whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of
Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill
of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new
car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire
them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never
be offended. This country is based on freedom,
and that means freedom for everyone - not just
you! You may leave the room, turn the channel,
express a different opinion, etc., but the world
is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be
free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in
your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all
your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free
food and housing. Americans are the most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly
help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing
weary of subsidizing generation after generation
of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free
health care. That would be nice, but from the
looks of public housing, we're just not
interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to
physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't
be surprised if the rest of us want to see you
fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the
possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or
coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us
get together and lock you away in a place where
you still won't have the right to a big screen
color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand
that our children risk their lives in foreign
wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift a finger
to stop you from going to fight if you'd like.
However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire
world and do not want to spend so much of our
time battling each and every little tyrant with
a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job.
All of us sure want all of you to have one, and
will gladly help you along in hard times, but we
expect you to take advantage of the
opportunities of education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself
useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to
happiness. Being an American means that you have
the right to pursue happiness - which by the
way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by
an overabundance of idiotic laws created by
those of you who were confused by the Bill of
Rights."
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